The Bedroom Rebuild Series #1: Confidence, Connection & Intimacy After Prostate Surgery—Without the Pressure

I’m writing this in the hope that more men will stumble across it—whether they’ve already had prostate surgery or are preparing to go under the knife. Through my work, I’ve supported many men through the recovery process following prostate surgery. It can be a daunting experience, especially when you don’t know how your body will respond afterward.

Will I ever be able to have sex again? Will I ever get an erection again?

PLEASE don’t throw in the towel thinking it’s all over. I’ve had many clients recover well and return to full sexual function. But here’s the thing—you’ve got to start early.

In my experience, recovery can be an opportunity to rediscover yourself, your pleasure, and your connection to intimacy.

If you’ve recently undergone surgery, you might be feeling uncertain—about your body, your masculinity, or your sexual future. So let me say this clearly: you’re not broken. What you're feeling is a normal part of the healing process. And there is a path forward—not just toward function, but toward deeper intimacy and pleasure in new, meaningful ways.

This blog series "The Bedroom Rebuild" will focus on aspects of recovery after your surgery - so I'll start with the big picture!

What Happens After Prostate Surgery?

It’s common to experience difficulty with erections after surgery. This is due to nerve trauma during the procedure. Even with nerve-sparing surgery, the nerves responsible for erections can take time to recover—often many months, sometimes longer. It’s important to know: this delay doesn’t mean it’s over. It means your body needs time, encouragement, and sometimes support.

Use It or Lose It: Why Staying Engaged Matters

There’s truth in the old saying. Regular stimulation (even if it doesn’t result in a full erection at first) helps maintain blood flow to the penis, supports tissue health, and keeps the pathways of arousal alive in your brain and body. If you stop engaging altogether, the tissue can atrophy, making recovery more difficult.

This isn’t just about sex—it’s about staying connected to your body, your pleasure, and your vitality.

Steps to Support Recovery

Here’s a general progression you can discuss with your healthcare provider or sexual health specialist (I will go into this in more detail in the upcoming blog series):

1. Early Rehabilitation (Weeks to Months Post-Surgery):

   • Pelvic floor exercises (Kegels): Strengthen muscles that support erections and urinary control.

   • Penile stimulation: Gentle touch, self-pleasure, or even just focusing on sensation can help keep nerve pathways active.

   • Visualization: Imagine erotic or sensual experiences while breathing into the pelvic area. This stimulates the brain-body connection even before physical function returns.

2. Medical Support:

   • Penile injections (like Caverject): These can help generate erections even before natural function returns, keeping tissues healthy.

   • Vacuum erection devices (VEDs): These draw blood into the penis, helping with both healing and confidence.

   • Oral medications (e.g., Viagra or Cialis): Often used later in the recovery process, once some nerve function has returned.

3. Touch Without Pressure:

   • Explore sensual connection with yourself or a partner without the goal of orgasm or penetration. This can reawaken pleasure in new places and help reduce performance anxiety.

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Why Not Giving Up Matters

Let’s be honest—this process can be frustrating, emotional, and vulnerable. You might feel grief, fear, or even shame. But giving up on your pleasure and sexuality doesn’t serve your healing.

Staying engaged—even gently—supports not just physical recovery but your emotional well-being, confidence, and sense of wholeness.

Intimacy is not defined by performance. It’s about connection—with yourself first, and then with others. You are worthy of pleasure. You are still whole.

You are not alone. Many men walk this path and come out the other side with a more expanded, even more fulfilling sense of intimacy. The journey back to pleasure may look different than before—but it’s still yours.