Intimacy Myths That Don’t Serve Men - Myth #1: Real Men Are Always Ready

There’s a quiet expectation many men carry into intimate spaces — often without realising it’s there.

That expectation is this: A real man is always ready.

Ready to perform. Ready to respond. Ready on demand.

It’s rarely said out loud, but it shapes how many men judge themselves in moments of intimacy.

And it’s a myth that does far more harm than good.

Where This Myth Comes From

The idea that men should be instantly and consistently ready for intimacy is deeply ingrained.

From a young age, men are subtly taught to associate readiness with worth. Desire is expected to be constant. Arousal is expected to be reliable. Hesitation is expected to be hidden.

This conditioning shows up everywhere:

• Cultural jokes that frame male desire as ever-present or uncontrollable

• Media portrayals where men are always eager, capable, and unaffected

• Conversations that treat erections as proof of masculinity rather than a physiological response

• Medical language that focuses on “performance” instead of context

  
  

Over time, these messages create an unspoken rule: A man should not need time, safety, or conditions to feel ready.

Anything outside that script is quietly interpreted as a personal shortcoming.

This isn’t a personal failure - it’s a cultural one.

Readiness Is Not a Character Trait

Here’s the reality most men are never told:

Readiness isn’t about confidence, virility, or willpower. It’s a nervous system state.

Arousal depends on whether the body feels safe enough to respond. Stress, fatigue, grief, pressure, responsibility, and distraction all affect readiness — even when attraction and desire are present.

When readiness fluctuates, it doesn’t mean something is wrong. It means the body is responding intelligently to its environment.

A Powerful Analogy: The Dimmer Switch, Not the Light Switch

Many men treat arousal like a light switch - on or off.

But the body doesn’t work that way.

It works more like a dimmer switch.

Some days the light comes up quickly. Other days it takes time. And sometimes the room needs quiet, warmth, and stillness before the light can rise at all.

Trying to force the switch only creates tension - and tension dims everything.

Pressure Is the Fastest Way to Lose Readiness

The moment a man starts monitoring himself —Am I ready yet? Why isn’t this happening?Shouldn’t I be responding by now?

- he leaves his body and enters performance mode.

Performance activates the stress response. Stress suppresses arousal.

Relaxation, curiosity, and presence do the opposite.

Readiness follows safety — not expectation.

Why the Myth Persists

The myth survives because it’s rarely questioned.

It’s reinforced by:

• Productivity cultures that value endurance over regulation

• Sexual narratives that prioritise performance over presence

• Silence - men usually don’t often hear other men speak honestly about fluctuation

• Shame, which keeps the experience private instead of shared

  
  

When men don’t talk about variability, each man assumes he’s the exception.

In reality, fluctuation is the norm (trust me on this - first hand experience and all ;).

What Replaces the Myth

When the expectation of constant readiness is dropped, something changes.

Men often experience:

• Less anxiety in intimate spaces

• More natural arousal over time

• Greater enjoyment without pressure

• A deeper sense of ease in their bodies

  
  

Readiness becomes something that emerges, not something that must be proven.

Remember This

Being a man doesn’t mean being permanently switched on.

It means having the capacity to listen to your body - and to trust that what it’s doing makes sense, even when it doesn’t match an outdated script.

Readiness is not a measure of your worth. It’s a response to how safe, present, and supported you feel.

And when those conditions are met, the body tends to follow - quietly, naturally, and without force.